Emi (the_emi) wrote in last_generation,

Words We Couldn't Say

Title: Words We Couldn't Say
Summary: Just a short drabble, Lily's POV, after the "Mudblood" incident.
Rating: PGish
Genre: Drama/Angst
Author's Notes: I recently re-found a bunch of Marauders fic. So, I hope there's folks who still read the community and will enjoy this.

She'd stopped looking at him simply because it hurt too much to meet his eyes. Severus had said a lot of unkind things in the past, but they were rarely about her and they had never been said with the venom she'd heard in his voice that afternoon. For the last three years, Lily had tried to persuade him away from his Slytherin friends with their Pureblood agendas; she had debated letting it slip to them that he was only a half-blood, but she knew he would never forgive her if she'd done that.

Now, Lily was in the uncomfortable position of debating whether or not to forgive Severus for what he'd said. The more she thought about it, the more she realized that she'd been treating James Potter and his friends for the last three years in the same way Severus had treated her just that day. The more Lily dwelled on that thought, the more she felt completely miserable and disgusted with herself. She knew some people in her house had been whispering about her friendship with Severus, and there had been rumours that there was much more than friendship between them. She'd tried to convince the other Gryffindors that he wasn't a bad person... but actions spoke much louder than words.

It was because of him that her sister hated her. And it was because of him that some of her other friends had been distancing themselves lately. And, she suspected, it was also because of him that she'd come to hate some of her fellow House-mates. When Dumbledore had talked to them about unity, she'd felt uncomfortably guilty, but didn't know why. Now she understood all too well.

There was only so far the banner of 'friendship' could go, so many hurts it could assuage. But there were some lines that, once crossed, couldn't be uncrossed. By calling her what he had, Severus had proved just how loyal he was to the Death Eaters, and how little he cared about her. She'd never in a million years admit it, but Lily was tired of being hurt by someone she'd cared so much about, someone she'd invested so much time and energy into. She could be just as cruel as he could, if it came down to it. And it seemed that, finally, it had...

Squaring her shoulders and summoning a steely resolve, Lily marched down to the portrait hole, so that she could tell Severus goodbye.
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